4:26 p.m. - 2001-04-26
An Entry
Several waves of nausea encompassed me
The feeling of when Granny died visited me
Tam, I think of what should have been, what could have been. If this is what loss of a mother-someone dear feels, it feels hopeless and eternally "pain"ful. Reflections of my own past and present sentiments are in you Tam. If Hannah died I would maybe feel this way...Helpless, the pure impact of the curse is clearly surfacing in me now. Doctors can't help this at all because the person who is needed is gone forever...can they bring back people with their new technology in science. But then it should be required that those the dead leave behind should forever feel the pain of their "loved ones". The selfish nature of a human says to go on though and that is not fair to the deceased.
Living ambiguosly
Thinking that nobody...would be...
Going on 18 years of waste
Thinking that there would come a trace
In a face
A face never showed itself to me
I thus feigned glee
Crazy
Oh and what happens, the face is gone...the angel...A dream of a funeral came to me about a year before you left, it wa s a black casket, cars parked on the curb walking to the depths of the burial ground. Not one homo sapien spanning this earth's surface can answer this question, or is there one? The pain i felt that wasin me for years that i didn't understand was understood by one and reflection, that pain was felt and they are gone...my ambiguous existance....
