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1:37 p.m. - 2001-07-17
Not sorry Bethel
As I sit here in the lab at Tufts i listen to rebecca st james and think of evertyhing that 'hapened' i really do not konw why the world turned i don't know why peoiple turned and the other animals did not. i worry that people know i am a pretnetious rpick as tam gorgeiously put it. i worry that i am being an asshole by not doing anything and that I am a lazy ass annoyance for all who lay their eyes upon my un-hallowed frame..sickening to all. Sis. Chambers for some reason called on sunday to speak to me and she was like i want to speak to you why she wants to speak to me i have no idea why she never spoke to me before i hate the fact that the people at bethel are all using this stupid incident as an excuse to act "chrisitina-like" its really stupid and past due any way...its dumb-assed mother fukcin dumb odn'nt make a bit of sense...they are just oging to say shit about God being upset and Jesus and keeping the sabbath...its too bad for them that the picture they have painted for hannah and i is starting to schip away and the paint beginning to can't keep up in your cubicles of thought bethel...and i'm not sorry. I'm glad, moreover, and however. Yep, Bethel there is no remorse there...there is NOTHING there actually because there never was...huh what there never was all a facade we came here and they believed us to be holier than thou little girls we were stupid we let mother gouldbourne make us "seek" for something that can't even be "found" nights were spent draining away valuable energy praying for this thing that does not exist except in the auspices of our mind creativity powers. Mother Gouldbourne, what will become of her whole life is based on the fact that God directed it I wander why she moved to Connecticut and Boston...when did it happen to cross her mind to go there. Why? 1. We know it wasn't a enlightenment or anything so it must have been in her mind. I saw a girl today at Sovereign Bank who lookeed just like Tammie when her eyes were covered up her mouth and was ------------ Oh man it sucks it sucks I keep typing about Bethel I wanna upturn that church I might faint if I see a bunch a humans under the burden of something that does not even exist but that is a figment of their friggnin imaginationsor rather the imaginations of those of the past who took the time and energy to write the BIble and to teach it to all I've learned how influential humans can be to one another its such a freaking scary thing ive seen it is sooooooo scary. Now I know there is validity in the extreme cases of paranoia people have experienced. A smile may equate hate and a want to kill, DAMN I want MOBy



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