11:06 p.m. - 1990-07-24
Make Me Proud
Back in the auspices of the people that are benomened family. But then the man living upstairs, Brother or Elder Mitchell tried to convince me this evening that Jesus is the Chirist and of course he was and the fact that he died to take away our sins; it sickens me to know that many or most if not all of the members of the Bethel Church of God 7th Day are all in consilatory anticipation thathannah and I are instanly incapacitated to be any other fucking way by being the good all good children and children of Elda' Brooks, Elduh David and Sista' Shirley. It is very sickening. The amount of fucking energy this family invested into living in Boston of coming to live here.
You know, I have never felt a part of this family I do not believe I have EVER been a true 'member' of this family . I recall the sheer hate eminating from my 'being' (subject) that tunneled me down the tunnedl of undescribable loathing and hate and wrath toward the family members and as the wrath grew so did their abilities innate now I know to close in on my indescrepnecies grew. They used the fact that I was quiet in the most discugint ways Im not gonna even put quiet in quoationas. ((I'm talking to Patrice online now I just told her "Its always nice to see some one after not seeing them for a while; things become less taken for granted then and what is most valuable usually shows up at the time".)) Th invalidity and frivolity that quotations add to a word is not enough it is already enough of a word in my comprehension to the point where quotations can be disregarded.Then the tunneling gets to the point where I would be the object of their vain 'affections' for who they see me as. They would then in public situations use my quietness as the crutches on which I would lean with my other achievements, achievements that would deride the handincapping blow of my fucking quietness that is to say school, and other freaking achievements. Whatever would lift them up as par=etns. Like i said before parents use their children as tools that make in their mind everythign they want to be that is why parents are constantly saying to their children make me proud.
