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2:09 p.m. - 2001-08-09
as i continue to read Tam's words i know that they have gravity each word showcases the gravity and force that it etymologically should carry. with meaning she understood what that human part called love should mean and the fucker who didn't take the time to bare that he understood it too

....How Tam said she wanted to share the hole of her emptiness with someone the pith of her mother fucking pain:

This what happened when i look inside t see the truth. My truth is fucked does it compare to other's truths? I don't want to deal with disappointing relationships, my inadequacy as a human being, or my indecision. I think i want to show this to someone...i feel like reaching out. I think i will fall into some hole if i don't. I fear the future, i fear myself.

hmm... what WAS/WERE Patrice, Diana, and Antonius or rather Antonius, Diana, and Patrice to Tam...who were they in her bucket...helpful drops of water to fill her demise or helpful drops of water to fill her demise to the point that it no longer existed...hmm i am reluctant to down play their validity in her life.

i have this consuming and well stated feeling that i will be enundated this weekend at Bethel Church of God 7th Day that is to say that I will be attending their service to be "me" or "me" hmm. I don't know. I do know oh cummon. I really really really wish Tam was still alive so I could take her there with me and we could cower under our own construid safety nets from the invisible laser rays emmited from each one sitting in their chairs...arghuh...



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