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4:21 p.m. - 2001-08-17200
just the thought of going to bethel makes me feel like 'puking' out the things that i have digested when subjecting myself to all conformity there...ewww....i smell the lunch room when it s time for lunch at church. should i go to new york tommorow...then everything will turn out hunk y dorr mother freaking great wont it. i can't wait for school to start again i really can't wait....another course to college lanother course to college another course to college ....yeah...patrice will be going to tennessee soon...that is great for her i hope she continues to enjoy her exciting life.... i really do well she will her mom will probably e-mail me saying that they are going to be having a go away party for Patrice's shipping off to college. one day she migth end up being in broadway...."and then i can say...i knew her growing up" whatever.

I was just watching a Moby interview he is soooooooooooooooooooooo

i don't know how to say it because i can't but moby is or richard is someone who i would have liked to know in highschool....i mean the way he views things i guess i think part of the way he views things is because of the things that the media says about him all of the time and then every so often the real Richard comes out like he was talking to this British dude who was mother fucking intimidating him with all these ambigous questions and he was like...yeah bladdy blah talk talk and then he was like, "have you read that book steppenwolf" and he described the way the protagonist ( he didn't really want to use that word because it seemed post modern) but the protagonist was the one who ends up being hurt when he hears the person whose music he likes the most Mozart playing really badly he was comparing it to how he doesn't care what the fuck people say about him on the web sites and over the internet so that is that so and he went on to say that they can go on and say these things because he is a 'supporter' of freedom of speech oh cummon moby or rather richard you know you wanna kill them evil m-f's that don't like you because of yoiur honesty. That is another 'thing' Moby is honest...he goes ahead and says the things that he thinks about himself or maybe what he thinks people expect him to think about himself. He was in another interview and he was talking to this guy and he was lilke talking to the guy and the guy started being a little honest on things himself...I wish he would stop saying his eyes are bad because they aren't he just doesn't like talking to opeople that way he doesn't wan to make eye contact with people at all (wow, it hink i made someone sneeze again because i am jsut sitting here typing really fast and have been doing so for the past 10 minutes or so) so he doesn't like to make eye contac t especially when people are asking him questions about him...then that's when he goes into say ing all of the stuff that he hears in the media about himself. But then this guy aske dhim who would he (the british guy) lilke to meet and talk to in a room with two people and he looked off for a long time and i think these were heart felt answers and he said, Jesus Christ and Bill Clinton I wander why Bill Clinton, I wander why Jesus Christ too...another thing when the british guy told him that like 32 people hadl made web pages about Moby Moby was like well that is nice that they are so nice to me and take the time and spend time on me and then he broke into.."I am deeply indebted to them" I wander if that came from his Catholic Background...but wow i wouldn't mind hanging out not hanging out but just taking a walk with Mobybecause i don't want him to fall under how peoiple see him and what he is to himself. Because I kind of see that happening to him. I see lpart of his true self the real him sometimes but then sometimes i see him falling under how people see him and he starts to say i'm this bald guy ok im gonna paste or post this entry before the computer glitches off. Yes, soI will continue to talk abotu moby more so he went on and talked to this guy for quite some it was a long interview for i wish i was there with him to take from him and let him talk for himself i mean to say say,"yeah and he's done a lot of records and he has a lot of web-sites" and THEN moby or rather Richard could but in and say the things about himself that he truly feels about himself. I will continue on the topic of Moby's eyes. I don't think he shoudl continue to say that his eyes are bad or they will continue to get worse i wish i could speak to him on this topic...its all in his head but its "fine" if he doesn't want to see the world for real anyway because it sucks and i notice the way that he doesn't really want to talk to someone by looking them in the eye i wander if that is distrust or just the fact that he sees something in them towards him or something...Yeah and when he was being interivewed for some fall jamboree 1997 festival or something he wasn't holding the microphone that much he doesn't want to speak into the microphone. I think his honesty takes some aback a little bit because the guy who was talking to him was what else have you been doing. And theMoby was all honest about where and how his records are made and its great that he feels he freaking intimidated britney spears and all those other 'teen pop phenomenon music dollies" ( i made that word up) but anyway he was like i made my album in my bedroom not something that anyone would confess at least a music star they would say rather i made and home and umm but he straight up said it and then so he was like i made it in my bedroom and not many people do that and then the guy was talking abotu how moby looks all old and stuff in the video Natural Blues and Moby was like yeah...i think he likes that detriment of himself. :) so he says yeah and then after that the guy said that he looked really old and moby said that is ALOT different from the way many of these pop stars are making their videos these days and he said (moby) i can see britney spears and others like running to fridge for like some youth drink or somethin he said something to that affect that is so funny its true but his perspective in that video was like if you look back on everything that you did and when you get old how it would be that's so true i am glad moby is doint that looking ahead at looking back instead of having to look back when he is already old but i am kind of scared that Moby might not live to be that old because i seems like the important people always go early...but if i can stop it i would love to do so..I don't want Moby to die at all that would be the worst thing in the world for Moby to die.. i keep on typing dies intstead of die...I wander how he is doing now and what he is doing now. I think there is a purpose that he wears that hood on his head maybe to remind himsle of himself. I shall now take the time to see the things that I saw when i came back from OHio Daddy tried to inflict everythign that he does not want to be on me so as he prayed he said lydia needs help to be released from the hypocrisy(and last night driving to the apartment daddy was singing this song about my soul being clean and molded and he couldn't even sing it in an honest body language he had to cover his face he got uncomfortabl and that told me that i wasn't looking for him i wasn't even thinking about him singing the song at the moment i just looked over and saw that he was uncomfortable. and then i notice that was the wife and she is the wife int his situation of th efamily and that is not good though because now mommy is sad and in her own world and she will close up and i don't want that to happen and she restricts herself from eating thingsl because she thinks she wil gain weight...i think she is in compeption with Hannah and I . So to go on I think that it is not good what was I going to say I forgot i wil remember though. But anyway ok Hannah shirley david...yeah...i was loooking at a family picture the other day that is on the wall next to the computer and it is not a family i neve took the time to notice it before but daddy is only half way in the picture. ...i have a feeling that the marriage of David O'Neal Brooks and Shirley Iverene VanWhervin was accidental and should not have happened I think it was a physical attraction that is why David does not love shirley any more I wish shirley could fucking kick him off the edge of a high rise buidling just to see her happy again along with hannah hannah is his freaking side kick and plus when he callled the officers over in fear that i would try to do things of danger to him he was so scared and in his scarism when the officers asked who was who in the room he went on to say that Hannah was his sister and i had to say out loud in"brother' mitchell's brother mitchell was there and the officers though he was someones brother or whatever so anyway i saw brother mitchelll get uncomfortable for two seconds when the offciers were there and i said myself then i said to brother mitchell you can go upstair sif you want to and later on i heard him asking hannnah because he wanted a "honest" (i.e. not honest but in the tone he would want to hear it) answer) what had i asked him "do you want to go upstairs" for and hanah was like replying with the things she loved to hear me sa before this whole thing she probably doesn't want you to bother with this and he was like oh....(long pause)' going to post this before the cmoputer shuts down



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