5:35 p.m. - 08/31/01
Zitta and Daddy-Asshole
Talking to Patrice on-line and find it very very interesting because she recognizes the asshole and the bitch and the hoe (Daddy, Mommy, and Hannah). She said this:
dshlm5: Hey Patrice
Zitta13: hello
dshlm5: Sorry, my 'mentor' 'accidently' closed the window box where I was talking to you...
dshlm5: And he took me 'out to lunch'
dshlm5: to a Chinese restaurant
dshlm5: He is kind of scary
Zitta13: yeah i got that memp
Zitta13: how old is he?
dshlm5: like 4o something
Zitta13: why did he take you out to lunch?
dshlm5:
dshlm5: that's what I don't get
dshlm5: Its is the extra-curricular thing or something because I address him about his wife periodically and he can't look at me in the eye,,,i do it on purpose and he doesn't look me in the eye each time I talk about his wife...but today was the last day
Zitta13: he can sense that you are trusting
Zitta13: no offense, but you don't have high self esteem eithetr
Zitta13: and guys feed off of that
dshlm5: I know
dshlm5: I have learned that I know it sounds dumb
dshlm5: My whole family is like that if I am to say the least
dshlm5: or the most
Zitta13: don't make a habit of it, is what i'm saying
dshlm5: Yeah, I understand I have a question Patrice, you have met my father, haven't you?...what do you think of him?
Zitta13: i don't like him
dshlm5: go ahead say everything
Zitta13: he is an asshole
Zitta13: he is anal
dshlm5: I have discovered that when I came back from Boston.
dshlm5: What is it about him that you don't like?
Zitta13: and he is irrational
dshlm5: Yes
Zitta13: he made you drop out of school
dshlm5: I didn't think so...but he didn't make me drop out but he made me fail..that one night that he didnt' let me stay up everything spiralled down
Zitta13: and that's stupid
dshlm5: I think its because he didn't graduate from college or something I don't know
Zitta13: he is an idiot and the only reason i would tell you to leave wouldbe to get away from huim
dshlm5: because last night hannah was like can i stay up to do my homework and he said "no" and then its like he stays up as long as we are up
dshlm5: does Hannah remind you of someone?
Zitta13: idiot
Zitta13: and he doesn't even let you both grow the fuck up
dshlm5: That is why I want to leave...at first when I got to Boston I saw like this messy house and a family whose structure was distorted where the father didn't really care what happened and everything was messed up I believed and that's why I left and then now I try not to see that But then how can you have seen something and then put a haze back over it like you didn't see it
Zitta13: you and hannah are about the same
dshlm5: Then you haven't met Hannah yet
Zitta13: except hannah seems to have more of a handle on her position in the world
Zitta13: she is older
Zitta13: i talk to ahnnah all the time
Zitta13: you think i don't but i do
dshlm5: Yeah, I know
dshlm5: But Hannah is I don't know...it is like she condones what daddy does or tries to protect daddy or something...and then mommy doesn't like the whole situation
dshlm5: Do you understand what I'm saying?
Zitta13: che condones it because it is all she has known
Zitta13: she thinks that he knows best
Zitta13: but he's a fool
dshlm5: All she wants to know ...but she knows otherwise she does when I came here I found out
Zitta13: your mother is passive
dshlm5: It scared me when I thought I heard my father talking but it was really Hannah...when I heard her on the phone it was like listening to the script of my father's phone conversing patterns.
Zitta13: they both seemed really eduacated
dshlm5: Yes
dshlm5: Who
Zitta13: brb
dshlm5: But being passive does not help the situation and that's why I think she is not too happy
dshlm5: ok
dshlm5: You know how marriages that just 'weren't to be' or is marriage even meant to be..
Zitta13: the apple never falls far from the tree
Zitta13: i know what you are saying
dshlm5: What does the apple never falls far from the tree mean?
Zitta13: means that an apple (hannah) which is offspring from the tree (father) never falls far fromthe tree (usually runs with the same ideals)
dshlm5: EYs
dshlm5: Yes
dshlm5: The other day he stole 2 cd's of mine and had locked Hannah in the room with him when he did it he was scared that I was revealing his ideal and hannah'
dshlm5: s
dshlm5: ideal to shirley who he married
dshlm5: I asked Hannah where they were
dshlm5: and she didn't say a word
dshlm5: (in front of daddy and mommy)
Zitta13: get the fuck out of there
Zitta13: graduate
Zitta13: and then go to school very far away
Zitta13: come to vanderbilt with me
dshlm5: I would do that...he wouldn't mind because as long as im not in the house breaking the sabbath he doesn't mind he was all telling some church people who came over that this is a holy house and he wont allow this and that it is a holy home and if i want to do something else leave and now he doesn't think i'm going to leave but stay and go to church each saturday to face Bethel.
dshlm5: School starts next Wednesday ...It seems like I see things more ambiguously when I go to school...so I want to make plans to leave now...you know what I'm saying?
Huh. this school year should be very interesting but not too bad. Now that I have acted like I don't know to all those who look at me...well I do know more than I ever did and teh intracies of this place of hell called the Earth... I now know... So this school year will be eventful. And I wont lie I will go on and say that which has been in my mind for a while since I have started to contimplate school beginnig again...before I fall into acting like the little good girl everyone thinks I am. I was scared of school really scared of those kids all the time. I would love to just be a happy person at school and as yoiu know that I am writing this that means that I don't want to be a happy person at school. Whatever. But I am really laying it on with patrice now I'm telling her every fucking thing that has ever happened in this whole thing. It is weird. very cool nonetheless maybe i can still chil and be a bitchy person at the same tim(this small font is makikng me type the truth see) i'm not all that of a stupid ass person aftera ll ....
In addition, Moby is going to be in Ireland tommorow in Ireland at a Castle called Slane Castle and he said he is going to do a suprise. And by the way I think I'm the most sucky person in teh world....j/k...ok that is whta people say...but that is perchance/hap a thing to use to elevate one-self above other's FUCKING HUMANS...when I go to school next Wednesday we'll see how things go...
