3:00 p.m. - 2001-11-26
I was (am) grinning/opening corners of my mouth as I thought (think) of this. Today at ACC I was sitting at this round table at the end of the hallway in the hallway of school doing homework and these kids came and sat there...mostly black kids and one cape verdian girl who I thought was pretty and she leaned on my chair too. So they started to talk about in so many words, horniness (wanting "it")...so they were saying how they could tell if you look at some one walking you can see a gap in their legs etc etc and you will automatically know that they have done "it", whatever. (so), the thought comes into my head...wait thinks are full circle now i think i know why Ethan never ever even blinks an eye if I look at him or if he looks at me...he knows I probably like him and have a love for him or something (this is to say I have like an innate tendency to want him...if u c what i am saying)...I am pretty much in the belief that he knows this...it was funny once Damian, Tabitha and them were talking jokingly about things of that matter whatever, and I was like ok, and I kind of got into this joking mood too and all of a sudden as soon as I did, Ethan was like, ok ok! everyone calm down...he maybe sees himself in me...do i love ethan or rather do i love myself...part of what happened was because of me wanting it i am quite sure maybe even from ethan...but i have always had this sense about ethan...but fuck ethan...he mother fucking despises and loathes every drop of my being...to him i probably don't mother fucking exist..
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