9:48 a.m. - 2002-11-08 Pizza-Day
Yesterday was horrible. I can't begin to say what happened. Or what I believed happened. Hannah and I went to get pizza together; I having a bad feeling about going our with her so spontaneously went out and bought the pizza. One of my worst fears came true. We ran into damian. He was talking more like spitting into his celle phone. He was saying the words "sick!" "sick!" "sick!" I do not know but I don't know if he was talking about me. I have this theory that he isn't really talking into the cell phone that is on but is just talking acting like he is talking but is talking to no-one. He followed behind Hannah and I and said "I'm breathing heavy" "I'm breathing heavy" Like I have said before I don't know if he is talking about me or what. I'm going to enter this entry and then come back. I have been thinking how me gettnig sick wasn't a good idea and how it might not ring well in other's ears when they hear my name now. But I don't know. I mean really, who knows? I'm not looking forward to church this weekend. I don't want to continue to make people feel uncomfortable around moi. There is nothing to do. I wanted to go driving today with Daddy but he went to take some people some where. So I do not care right now what else there is to do I just care that I'm typing in this online diary right now. There is nothing else to do so this is what I'm doing. I mean I just put the chicken on and I just put the chicken into the oven. and now I have nothing else to do. Hmmm what could I do? Let me separate the thoughts in my head to see what else I could do. I feel utterly pissed right now so organizing my thoughts is beginning to be a bit of a difficulty for me. I mean when someone is loathing how easy can making small decisions be? That's right...very not easy. I could clean up in our room but that is right above damian and I don't want to make any noise for him to hear that I am down hear. And I do not see how he could enjoy seeing me or hearing me go on "sick". I could watch t.v. but these day's I'm sick of t.v. I could turn off the radio playing in mommy and daddy's room because it is beginning to annoy me but I won't do that. There's nothing to do then. I could play on the piano well I did that last nights.l Very solacing. I could look jup on the internet things about telepathy, and mind control but I have done that already and I must needs give that a rest. I'm back it is now 10:30 a.m. November 08, 2002. I am shivvering. It's cold in here. I am drkingkng that drink that I like al ot. Orange juice mixed with water and 2 tsp. of barley grass. Can damian read my thoughts? If I were to sincerely asks that question who would I ask it to? I'm feeling hungry now. I here footsteps upstairs. They are making me feel nervous. How can someone judge you and they don't even know you. Fuck you to all the people who judge me and don't even know me.
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