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12:04 p.m. - 2002-12-03
when crushes go bad

Today I tried to spend some time with myself to relax and whatnot. Its been a while since I just relaxed and did nothing. It was kinda nice.

I bought Nightmare Before Christmas DVD (bargain price too!) and ate basically junk all day.

Tonight when Summer came home we watched TV and I drank some wine. Then crush boy called. (I guess Im still tipsy). We went out at about 11pm and had something to eat (and a beer) and then met Ben and Jon and went to a bar and had some more beers. I am annoyed with my crush because he is SO STUPID! I feel like I was being mean because I couldnt look him in the eye when I was talking to him, thats how mad i was.

This is all crap I know.

I hate the fact that I can see things and give advice for others... but with myself.. I become so wound up in a stupid crush that everything seems bad. This makes me feel terrible because everything is actually pretty good. I have a good job and I think I do my job quite well. I have some good friends. I have very specific ideas of what I like and what I dont like. I know what I believe and love and would do anything to fight for those things. Whats the problem then?


I need a boy, I like a boy, I want a boy. The desire to be a fit (ie: breeding) human is making me feel terrible. I am so confused and frustrated. ALL I want, in all honesty is someone who is dedicated to me (friendship wise I mean) like I am for them. I think I have a good friend... and then...

I am drunk.

Im a wino, weird food at the restaurant and "sold out" cigarette vending machine lights after 11pm.

11pm is too late, kids.

I found jonquils at the flower store.

Funny thing is, I knew theyd be selling them before I went there.

Me, and jonquils, were just linked baby.

a good boy for me would 1)Not check his watch and count how many hrs of sleep he can get if he goes to bed "now".

2)Likes rollercosters

3)Know and fully appreciate (and sometimes buy me) jonquils.

I hope I have nice dreams tonight aromatheraparized (ha!) by the jonquils by my bed.

Im down, this cant last forever.



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