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1:08 p.m. - 2005-01-23
I just called Naomi to ask Rick to take me to the Home depot job fair at Campus Center at UMASS Boston and the person who answered said "inaudible" Mo-Fo! Well I know who to call now. Just Naomi. I guess Rick doesn't like me. I kind of figured that from the time I stayed at Naomi's house. I was so untalkative I think it annoyed him plus I am in a mental home now that probably makes him think I am mentally AVI said a sure way to loose friends is to say that someone is mentally ill. To use the term ill he explained is bad. This feels so good. I feel like I am diminshing all those crappy "friends" I have had in the past and I am ready to get new friends. Real friends nonetheless. Actually like Tam said in I can find a perfect friend in myself. A solitude friendship to me is the most beautiful pure and succesful and then to have that one friend on the side (not necessarily AVI) who you can befriend, make love to, and marry.
FUCK RICK FUCK NAOMI like I CARE? NO. I wish I have no friends except AVI and whatever peoples I meet in Florida. I wish people would stop bothering me here at the hospital. I hate when it get s crowded I hate talking to MARK kearns my social worker..I really hate talking to Dr. Sellers my Doctor and I hate talking to the nurses I f all of them were gone I would feel just that much better. I am going to buy a car eventually I can feel it. I will. I just have to wait. Get out of here go to FLorida. Mommy is supposed to call Grandma today. I am preparing myself for Grandma to say no to me living with her. I feel like masturbation. I need a latch hook so I can latch hook. but mommy is sleeping now so that wont work plus there is this bad snow storm going on now so I don't think they will be going out now. Oh I need to check what I need to do and what I want . Check it out...did you see that entry where I was trying to get my shit together? I should look back at it. back in march april of 2004. there is this guy here named ronald bradley he makes me sick to the stomach. he always tries to hook up with me and has offered me his hand in marriage how sickening. i don't like him at all.Plus he is friggin 45 years old (Oh god *puke*!) i think he looks pretty ok but no way. anway as far as getting shit together here goes... GET MY CHECKING CARD SO I CAN BUY CLOTHES AND MONEY GET A PHONE CARD TO CALL GRANDMA GET PRIVILEGES TO GO BACK OUT ON PASSES WITH WHO? (1. not my family 2. not bro. sam 3. not bro. mitchell) AVI! GET PRIVILEGES TO GO OUT ON MY OWN MY VERY OWN ASK DR.SELLERS ABOUT TINGLING IN MY HANDS THROUGH MOMMY CALLING HIM HERSELF BECAUSE HE DOESN'T SEEM TO GET THE MESSAGE: "IT MIGHT BE SERIOUS!" Well I have to go and find some "wordly person" who can take me to the Home Depot thing on February 12, 2005 at 3:00 p.m. hmm...I don't know about Faith but I will call them next. I called them and they weren't answering the phone. Shoveling snow? Perhaps. (there goes me wanting to know what people are doing but it is ebbing away) I wonder if Avi would support me I mean I have heard my social worker Mark Kearns (reason repeating his name so much because I'm undecided as to whether I think he's cute yet (Forget it) check or checkmate!) ANWAYZ my social worker Mark has been saying it's no like we're on your mother's side SO YES I VE GOT SOMEBODY ON MY SIDE. Let me just say I HATE PAULINE COATES shes was my "Friend" from Faulkner Hospital...she thinks I am fake and laughs at me so i hate her i don't have enough mental power for her agenda vs my planning book (cold!) anway i'm hearin elephants in this crazy house. I think my problem before just and hour ago was having to know what everyone is doing. but once I stop caring about other's i will begin to care more about myself and I feel myself slowly not caring about anybody anymore (but my self) TRUE LOVE! But anway everybody is shoveling snow. I remember last year I had this drink I mixed with snow and drank while I shoveled with fake self I guess. Once Hannah had a diary when she was younger and she must of really hated me because she had a long list of things that are about me and it said first of all she(Lydia) (was) fake. That's mean...bitch But I hope that I can get along well enough with the people here so that I can leave here and go to FLOREEDA...............................



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