2:55 p.m. - 2001-07-31
I am still here
I feel bad about what occured. But I wanted to leave Boston. I was so tired of here. Now that I am here again. I must put up with it all again. I hope I don't go off again what ever what ever I don't care anymore I really don't care anymore.
I feel like I have been a silent pest to many. There are many reasons why people don't want to be on the Earth. I don't know what people think of living but most manage to do so, but that does not mean it is easy. John Lennon wrote a song in which he said, "Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see...it's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn't matter much to me".
Returning to Bethel will be very the same I don't even know why I am typing about it I mean I don't even have to type about it because it is all frivolous. In the end things will seem 'normal' again. Well things are normal of course right? (somewhere back in my conscience, NO!)
Once you start interacting with the humans you see your own faults(well they are called faults those things that do not line up with the crowd's flow, but there are no faults in the world nothing is right and nothing is wrong Moby said if you say something is right completely right all the way there still is something that can contradict that right or something that in someone else's book saying that it is not right to them ,so trying to solidify something in your own mind is not even note worthy) and begin to live up to the expectations of the human and what they want you do be. It is hard for some who do not want to be the way they see everyone else. But it is part of being human, of course. It is so much fun.
There are a lot of things that I realized but those things are superficial I guess that is what Diana said when I went to New bury Street with her. I actually asked her if she liked "observing people". And she said,"Yeah..." I observe people all the time on my job (She works as a waitress or something at a Cheers restaurant/ bar near the Arlington Station stop on the Green Line). I told her I notice a lot of things about Body Language and she said oh likle what and I said how people take things..Of course she probably didn't understand. But she ensued to say that those things are superficial.
