9:50 a.m. - 2005-02-10
One thing about me I notice that I don't show any outward displays of affection in public. I don't feel comfortable doing so. That aside, I spoke to Avi this morning. It was nice to hear his voice. I felt elated on cloud nine. But will this elation last?
Today I am going to go to play baskteball at the Fuller Gym. I can't wait to get out. I have come to enjoy those trips. They are fun. My tennis shoes that mommy brought last night are so smelly. That smell really bad. Embarassed to wear them I am. I just felt funny...a smell from past times I just smelled. Mommy sweetly brought me apple flavored rice cakes and three dark red apples. They were ok.
Hannah has school work to do today I hope mommy brings the money tonight. There was supposed to be a snow storm today but it didn't come gotta go a med student ahs to use the computer ...important for those meds students poor things.
TODAY SAME DAY FEB 10, 2005What's up? I just thought of how if I was brought up correctly. Priscilla said that people bring their kids up weird and they end up having problems. I wonder if she was talking about me? I wonder. Anyway I just came back from the Fuller Gym and they were having a special Open House on all the different issues the Mental Health Department covers. I got a yogurt, coffee and candy Yumm Not really the coffee was gross and the candy to sweet oh and before I went into the basement area of the building I bought some M&M's double gross. I'm not into eating these days.
Oh the lady with social anxiety disorder wrote me. She seems pretty nice. She has been looking for a wedding dress for a while. I hope she finds one so she doesn't get super stressed near the time of the wedding.
Patrice wrote me. She is doing well. Has to finish her papers. Makes me want to go to college. I remember writing papers in High School. Stressful stuff. But it was a cool deal. Kept me occupied. I'm getting sick of the people on the unit. It's like I can't tell who is my friend or who is my foe.
Oh on a bright note when I called Avi he was like "we could go to Foxwoods on Monday" he thought that I was out of the hospital. See I delivered a message to "the lady living in his house" that I will be out of the hospital soon. He took it as I was already out of the hospital. He is an eager beaver ; ) (I'm starting to feel nervouse someone is talkign in teh hallway. I get nervous easily and crippled scared. I control it by avoiding situations that make me that way. Typing helps too. and art and doing things You. know?Anyway my hands are turning cold eww. )But Avi is eager he thought that I said that I forgot who he was for example (this really happened this morning)..and he thought I forgot who he was (he's so dominant in conversation I don't mind that makes him cuter) and I told him "I remember" DUH I remember who Avi is I met him on the Greyhound bus when I ran away from my family and hospital to Rhode Island. He was the apex of my being at the hospital. He topped the most exciting thing that has happened to me since being hospitalized here. Also Avi started talking to me about how I should complain to the doctor that they are giving me the wrong diagnosis. I said oh I get nervous and he thought I meant I get nervous when I speak to the doctor but I meant in general any time. He told me he has been on so many different medecines. Oh well. Sweety Avi.
I wonder what Hannah is doing. I am going to call her and mommy to remind mommy to get the money so I can mail it to the"cd burning girl" and give Ronald Bradley back his money he waisted on me when I was a desperate "privileges-less" girl who was begging everyone for food here at the Lemuel Shattuck Hospital.
Oh, I saw cute Brown Haired boy today he looked so floppy. He was going to school or a program. I think he is on Clozaril. Did I mention this Dr. Sellers might change my medecine..eekk!!! scared of doctor sellers. I just met with one of the medical students she is leaving today. I will keep in touch with her by email. She is interesting because she is going to Tuft's Sackler School of Bio Medical Sciences where I worked duing summer 2001 and 2000.Speaking of school and Nicole (the med student) I will be smart too. I will go to school. I will be going to school at Bunker Hill Community College to get an associates degree in computer science then go to a school to major in Computer Science to get a B.S. in Computer Science. I will work first before going to school in September 2005. But I will work it where I will get an associates and then go to Florida and work maybe one summer and then come back and get a Computer Science Degree at an accredited 4-year college. Well I'm going to put this into my diary before I leave to go off to internet searching. Bye.
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