4:36 p.m. - 2001-07-28
-Acts that way because she is still a you ng girl she is still Shirley. It is as if the competition for living that is being an animal for her is between Hannah and I.She is still young. She is still young. Her mind frame. She tries to feign for her self in her family but really is it that important to her? Is her family that important? She feels disconnected from her family she is not a part of her family at all. She eats separately but she still must buy food for her family. Mommy went to school and maybe indulged in secret sexual practices. Or in her mind indulged in the fantasies of males that she was attracted to. She loves Dr. Andrie. She would have sex with Dr. Andre Oh my God, I don't know.
-Acts that way because something happened in his family structure maybe. He used to flirt with all of the females in highschool. He indulged in secretive sexual practices and did this he lived in that kind of world. He flirted with women. He knew someone and maybe 'knew' someone before he met Shirley. But he only liked Shirley because of how she looked. For appearance sake he married Shirley. He smoothly talked Shirley into marriage and she conceded. She married him for him. Not for her I am not sure. His position in the family on an animal level: He is in competition with Marmalade the other animal that gains most of my attention. He called him more when I came back. Then he flirts with Hannah and Hannah likes "daddy". Hannah likes it but tries to fall under some self construition. She does not want to admit these things; she sleeps alot. She seems 'dead'. I don't know. Um. Daddy tries to flirt with the three women in his house. I do not want him to touch me AT ALL. I do not know what is in his mind. He is dangerous HE CAN KILL. HE CAN KILL HE CAN KILL. HE CAN KILL. He is very secretive and yet at the same time very dangerous under cover. He was singing a Christian song while quietly hiding a keyboard for the computer. He is not honest at all. He is not honest in any way. He is not honest in his feelings to others I think. How long can he hide under this not being honest to others though. How can I assure that I wont make one of the human tick one is next to me and he's anxiouis and views things very boxily and he can kill oh man im u h i don't nkow
-Acts that way because she was cared for the most by her father David Brooks. He spent a lot o ftime with Hannah. Hannah does look at things like they are all against her. She does live for herself in omst cases. I am not there to her. I htink I am a name to her. She was watching T.V. and her head was in the way and I was thinking she should move her head because she should sense that I am in her range of viewing but she didn't. It was the same thing with Ms. Bates. The more they are for themself the more adept they are too animal practices.
I think in Ohio the animal practices were very prevailent. I remember asking Hannah or telling Hannah YOU CAN MARRY DADDY! I really had this feeling that hannah liked daddy. The whole family infrastructure or whatever word was detioriorating. Moby said that maybe the family thing is not real but part of long ago culture practices that have become arbitrary. Hannah could be what they call a lesbian we were loving each otehr in Ohio we were becoming a wife and husband i was the husband. hannah covered he leg once when i walked into her bedroom. i could probably be a lesbian; i rubbed a girls belly one night she spent the night at our hose in ohio. i think i was a harlo t as they call it at evangel 'chrisitan' academy in ohio. wehen i went back to visit there they said ,"She was hot when she was here" Oh man, I wander what I did? I remember sitting on this boys lap on a swing and we both got upset together when someone said that he was my boyfriend. those days were 'fuzzy' to me. but my sexual feelings were not restrained. Not in Kindergarten. Not in preschool. They were unleashed. Everytime at Bethel when the young animals would gather together for there bible studies i would feel the sexual tension or amybe it was the tensio of stupid ass me being in the mother fucking presence of the youth.
-Acts that way because he was an independant puppy or animal he was the aside one when we bought him. He was playing along on the side by himself when we bought him. He was independant. He knows how to get dossle mother to geive him food and let him outside he does not like me.